NFR And a bit on the "Not really for children"

Discussion in 'Fly Fishing Forum' started by Trapper Badovinac, Jan 2, 2014.

  1. Trapper Badovinac

    Trapper Badovinac Author, Writer, Photographer

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    Emergency Toilet.

    A link to an article about camping tips showed an "Emergency Toilet" as a plastic milk crate sitting atop a 5-gallon bucket with a toilet seat and lid attached. It was all very neat and orderly. It made me think of something that happened to me a few years ago.

    I was in West Glacier at the Belton Inn. It's a great old hotel built by the railroad for their guests many years ago. It's not the quietest place to sleep but has a great bar and great food.

    One night I was drinking IPAs with some River Rats (young folks from Glacier Outdoor Center who do white water trips on the Middle Fork of the Flathead). I laughed my butt off listening to their stories of guiding mostly inexperienced guests on the river.

    After a great meal of a heavily spiced venison meatloaf, I went back to the bar and they were still there. We closed the bar and I stupidly tried to keep up with their drinking forgetting that I was 60 and not 22 any more.

    The next morning I drove into Glacier National Park and took the inside the park river road. It's a little used dirt road that used to to go all the way to Polebridge. My guts started this low rumble which turned into a loud rumble to the point where I felt like I had a pair of angry warring badgers in my bowels. My drinking with youngsters the night before had long since lost it's novelty.

    A stabbing pain near my colon sent me into a Point 9 on the Richter scale intestinal earthquake and I doubled over as I pulled my truck to a stop.

    I was deep in the woods and hadn't seen anyone since I left the pavement an hour before. I'm not shy and from the odors wafting through the cab of my truck, I knew that any modesty I had was going to take a back seat to my emergency needs.

    I rolled out of my truck bent over with a pained face like a cow calving a breach calf. I opened the back of my truck and grabbed a roll of paper and headed off into the woods forgoing the shovel because it wasn't anywhere in sight.

    With shaking hands and a clamped-down-with-all-my-might-sphincter, I got my jeans down and squatted near a big fir tree.

    The ensuing NASA launch was a borderline mystical experience. I put a hand on a small deadfall to steady myself. After a few minor explosions, the rumbling was gone and the warring badgers evacuated my bowels.

    Just then I looked up and saw a big wad of grizzly hair rubbed off on a back-lit fir tree. On the ground was a pile of loose bark and dirt. I looked around to see if I was encroaching on the big guy's space but saw no critters.

    Swearing off beer, I did the paper work and turned around like a curious dog. The slight breeze in my face made me immediately regret this move.

    As I approached my truck I saw another truck parked right in front of mine. Standing next to it was a very tall woman and a younger male with a backpack with an antenna on it. They told me they were bear biologists looking for a collared bear, scat, or hair samples.

    I told them I had seen a rub with griz hair on it and pointed in the direction as I was preparing to make a quick exit. They asked me to take them to the spot. I thought about faking a heart attack, but agreed to show them the spot.

    I took the long way around and approached the rub from upwind of what I felt sure would end up as a HAZMAT site.

    As I was quickly walking away back to my truck I heard the woman say "This is a great rub, but why did he take us the long way around to get here?"

    A few seconds later I heard the guy say "Oh man, I know why."

    Trapper
     
  2. Porter

    Porter Active Member

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    Vivid indeed! :eek:
     
  3. Travis Bille

    Travis Bille Active Member

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    That was hysterical!
     
  4. triploidjunkie

    triploidjunkie Active Member

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    You should seriously post stories more often. That was some funny shit(pun intended).
     
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  5. Dipnet

    Dipnet The wanted posters say Tim Hartman

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    You provided my laugh of the day, Trapper!
     
  6. Cougar Zeke

    Cougar Zeke Active Member

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    Great! I busted out laughing 4 or 5 times while reading it! Thanks!
     
  7. Jim Darden

    Jim Darden Active Member

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    you should have shown them the site and commented on how the grizzlies liked charmin because it didn't leave little pieces of paper on their posterior!!!
     
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  8. Trapper Badovinac

    Trapper Badovinac Author, Writer, Photographer

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    I'm happy you enjoyed the story and had a few laughs.

    Trapper
     
  9. Alex MacDonald

    Alex MacDonald Dr. of Doomology

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    Love it, Trapper; absolutely laughed my ass off!
     
  10. GATOR9

    GATOR9 Hey you guys

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    There is nothing like a good field dump when the urge hits. The only problem is when UPS starts using the drones others will follow and one day we may see ourselves on utube being one with nature.:eek:
     
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  11. David Dalan

    David Dalan 69°19'15.35" N 18°44'22.74" E

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    That was magical.
     
  12. Teenage Entomologist

    Teenage Entomologist Gotta love the pteronarcys.

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    That was one funny story there! My family has been known for those things happening. The Bowels Of The Titanic
     
  13. FinLuver

    FinLuver Active Member

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    That's funny shit right there!!


    beentheredonethatbefore

    :D
     

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